Know Your Enemy

Know Your Enemy
Originally uploaded by Ghostface CRZA.

MOMARS

Postcard From Coach

Postcard From Coach
Originally uploaded by Ghostface CRZA.

Greetings,

Wish you were here in sunny Peoria, Arizona. I am at the Spring Training home of the San Diego Padres and Seattle Mariners.



Much Love,

Coach

Whiteboard - Game 1

Whiteboard - Game 1
Originally uploaded by Ghostface CRZA.

Mobile Blog Post Test

Mobile Blog Post Test
Originally uploaded by Ghostface CRZA.

This is Furby.

Team Photo

Team Photo
Originally uploaded by Ghostface CRZA.

Pregame Meal

Pregame Meal
Originally uploaded by Ghostface CRZA.

Updated - Softball Practice 4/22

Video: Karl's Message

Spring Training Practice
Time: Thursday 4/19 7:15pm - 9pmSun 4/22 3:15pm - 4:30pm
Location: Home Run Hitters - 8300 10th Avenue North, Golden Valley , MN 55427.

I reserved a hitting tunnel (pitching machine) for us like we did last year. We're paying for this by the hour so be on time.

The 86 Rules of Boozing

I'm posting this before the season starts because there are a lot of life lessons in this list that could potentially help us win more ballgames.

1. If you owe someone money, always pay them back in a bar. Preferably during happy hour.

2. Always toast before doing a shot.

3. Whoever buys the shot gets the first chance to offer a toast.

4. Change your toast at least once a month.

5. Buying someone a drink is five times better than a handshake.

6. Buying a strange woman a drink is still cool. Buying all her drinks is dumb.

7. Never borrow more than one cigarette from the same person in one night.

8. When the bartender is slammed, resist the powerful urge to order a slightly-dirty, very-dry, in-and-out, super-chilled half-and-half martini with a lemon twist. Limit orders to beer, straight shots and two-part cocktails.

9. Get the bartender's attention with eye contact and a smile.

10. Do not make eye contact with the bartender if you do not want a drink.

11. Unacceptable things to say after doing a shot: Great, now I’m going to get drunk. I hate shots. It’s coming back up.

12. Never, ever tell a bartender he made your drink too strong.

13. If he makes it too weak, order a double next time. He'll get the message.

14. If you offer to buy a woman a drink and she refuses, she does not like you.

15. If you offer to buy a woman a drink and she accepts, she still might not like you.

16. If she buys you a drink, she likes you.

17. If someone offers to buy you a drink, do not upgrade your liquor preference.

18. Always have a corkscrew in your house.

19. If you don't have a corkscrew, push the cork down into the bottle with a pen.

20. Drink one girly drink in public and you will forever be known as the guy who drinks girly drinks.

21. Our parents were better drinkers than we are.

22. Never talk to someone in the restroom unless you're doing the same thing—urinating, waiting in line or washing your hands.

23. Girls hang out, apply make-up, and have long talks in the bathroom. Men do not.

24. After your sixth drink, do not look at yourself in the mirror. It will shake your confidence.

25. It is only permissible to shout 'woo-hoo!' if you are doing a shot with four or more people.

26. If there is a d.j., you can request a song only once per night. If he doesn't play it within half an hour, do not approach him again. If he does play it, do not approach him again.

27. Learn how to make a rose out of a bar napkin. You'll be surprised how well it works.

28. If you can't afford to tip, you can't afford to drink in a bar. Go to the liquor store.

29. If you owe someone twenty dollars or less, you may pay them back in beer.

30. Never complain about the quality or brand of a free drink.

31. If you have been roommates with someone more than six months, you may drink all their beer, even if it's hidden, as long as you leave them one.

32. You can have a shot of their hard liquor only if the cap has been cracked and the bottle goes for less than $25.

33. The only thing that tastes better than free liquor is stolen liquor.

34. If you bring Old Milwaukee to a party, you must drink at least two cans before you start drinking the imported beer in the fridge.

35. Learn to appreciate hangovers. If it was all good times every jackass would be doing it.

36. If you ever feel depressed, get out a bartender’s guide and browse through all the drinks you’ve never tried.

37. Try one new drink each week.

38. If you are the bar's sole customer, you are obliged to make small talk with the bartender until he stops acknowledging you. Then you're off the hook. The same goes for him.

39. Never tip with coins that have touched you. If your change is $1.50, you can tell the barmaid to keep the change, but once she has handed it to you, you cannot give it back. To a bartender or cocktail waitress, small change has no value.

40. If you have ever told a bartender, “Hey, it all spends the same,” then you are a cheap ass.

41. Anyone on stage or behind a bar is fifty percent better looking.

42. You can tell how hard a drinker someone is by how close they keep their drink to their mouth.

43. A bar is a college, not a nursery. If you spill a beer, clean it up. If you break a glass, wait for a staff member to clean it up, then blame it on someone else.

44. Being drunk is feeling sophisticated without being able to say it.

45. It's okay to drink alone.

46. After three drinks, you will forget a woman's name two seconds after she tells you. The rest of the night you will call her “baby” or “darling”.

47. Nothing screams 'nancy boy' louder than swirling an oversized brandy snifter.

48. Men don't drink from straws. Unless you're doing a Mind or Face Eraser.

49. If you do a shot, finish it. If you don't plan to finish it, don't accept it.

50. Never brood in a dance bar. Never dance in a dive bar.

51. Never play more than three songs by the same artist in a row.

52. Your songs will come on as you're leaving the bar.

53. Never yell out jukebox selections to someone you don't know.

54. Never lie in a bar. You may, however, grossly exaggerate and lean.

55. If you think you might be slurring a little, then you are slurring a lot. If you think you are slurring a lot, then you are not speaking English.

56. Screaming, “Someone buy me a drink!” has never worked.

57. For every drink, there is a five percent better chance you will get in a fight. There is also a three percent better chance you will lose the fight.

58. Fighting an extremely drunk person when you are sober is hilarious.

59. If you are broke and a friend is “sporting you”, you must laugh at all his jokes and play wingman when he makes his move.

60. If you are broke and a friend is “making sport of you”, you may steal any drink he leaves unattended.

61. Never rest your head on a table or bar top. It is the equivalent of voluntarily putting your head on a chopping block.

62. If you are trading rounds with a friend and he asks if you're ready for another, always say yes. Once you fall out of sync you will end up buying more drinks than him.

63. If you're going to hit on a member of the bar staff, make sure you tip well before and after, regardless of her response.

64. The people with the most money are rarely the best tippers.

65. Before you die, single-handedly make one decent martini.

66. Asking a bartender what beers are on tap when the handles are right in front of you is the equivalent of saying, “I'm an idiot.”

67. Never ask a bartender “what's good tonight?” They do not fly in the scotch fresh from the coast every morning.

68. If there is a line for drinks, get your goddamn drink and step the hell away from the bar.

69. If there is ever any confusion, the fuller beer is yours.

70. The patrons at your local bar are your extended family, your fathers and mothers, your brothers and sisters. Except you get to sleep with these sisters. And if you're really drunk, the mothers.

71. It's acceptable, traditional in fact, to disappear during a night of hard drinking. You will appear mysterious and your friends will understand. If they even notice.

72. Never argue your tab at the end of the night. Remember, you're hammered and they’re sober. It's akin to a precocious five-year-old arguing the super-string theory with a physicist. 99.9% of the time you're wrong and either way you're going to come off as a jackass.

73. If you bring booze to a party, you must drink it or leave it.

74. If you hesitate more than three seconds after the bartender looks at you, you do not deserve a drink.

75. Beer makes you mellow, champagne makes you silly, wine makes you dramatic, tequila makes you felonious.

76. The greatest thing a drunkard can do is buy a round of drinks for a packed bar.

77. Never preface a conversation with a bartender with “I know this is going to be a hassle, but . . .”

78. When you’re in a bar and drunk, your boss is just another guy begging for a fat lip. Unless he’s buying.

79. If you are 86’d, do not return for at least three months. To come back sooner makes it appear no other bar wants you.

80. Anyone with three or more drinks in his hands has the right of way.

81. If you’re going to drink on the job, drink vodka. It’s the no-tell liquor.

82. There’s nothing wrong with drinking before noon. Especially if you’re supposed to be at work.

83. The bar clock moves twice as fast from midnight to last call.

84. A flask engraved with a personal message is one of the best gifts you can ever give. And make sure there’s something in it.

85. On the intimacy scale, sharing a quiet drink is between a handshake and a kiss.

86. You will forget every one of these rules by your fifth drink.

--Frank Kelly Rich

Modern Drunkard Magazine Online

2003 Punchies

This is from the pre-sponsorship era when the team name was Donkey Punch. Hence the award ceremony called . . . The Punchies.

MVP (Male) - Karl

MVP (Female) - Kelly Kelly

Best Dressed - Anna Thomson

Most Beer and/or Cigarettes Consumed Per Game - Karl

Most Improved - Anna Thompson

Best Play - Andy Powers home run sliding into home wearing shorts

Best Bar Attendance - Coach, Runner-Up - JJ's Clubhouse

Bulldog Profile: Sonja

Industry Minnezine » Sonja Anderson

Sonja Anderson

::: SONJA ANDERSON
SERVER // THE BULLDOG RESTAURANT AND THE INDEPENDENT

How would you describe the places you work at?
They are both neighborhood bars, catering to diverse groups of people.
They are both fun work environments and I am fortunate to work with great people.

Which night would you recommend?
Both places have happy hour from 3pm to 7pm every day and both have nightly specials Sunday through Thursday nights.

What’s the best experience you’ve had working in the service industry?
Meeting lots of great people.

What are your thoughts on the smoking ban?
I am for the smoking ban. I like not having to work in a smoky atmosphere and not smelling like an ashtray at the end of the night. Both The Bulldog and The Independent have smoking patios equipped with heating devices. They make smoking outside more enjoyable in the winter and therefore less of an issue for us.

What are your thoughts on Minneapolis nightlife?
I think that people have a variety of options when they go out. Minneapolis has a lot of great restaurants and great hangouts all over the city. Downtown isn’t the only destination spot any more–Northeast has a lot of great new places as does Uptown.

When you have a night off, where do you like to go?
I feel like I am out 5 nights a week, so relaxing at home is my favorite place on my nights off.

Drink of choice?
Vanilla latte or triplecaff.

The Bulldog Restaurant
2549 Lyndale Avenue South
www.thebulldoginc.com

The Independent
3001 Hennepin Avenue South
www.theindependent-uptown.com

Spotlight: The Cryptogram

Image: Dan Norman

by Quinton Skinner
February 21, 2007

David Mamet's one-act show is a dramatic shell game. One moment you think you have your eyes on the pea, then the subtext beneath the action changes altogether, leaving you scrambling to reconsider the events in a new context. (It also leaves you writing convoluted sentences in trying to describe it all.) The setup is simple enough: Donny (Annie Enneking) is hanging fire with Del (Peter Ooley), waiting for her husband to return home and take her son John (Jake Ingbar) on a camping trip the next morning.

The precise nature of Annie and Del's relationship is unclear; the fact that John can't seem to go to sleep adds to the tension. Also providing discomfort is Mamet's dialogue, a sadist's crop of sentence fragments, minutiae, and overlapping lines that leave the actors sounding like robots hopped up on diet pills. A letter appears at the end of the first scene, though, that clarifies matters somewhat, and the rest of the plot involves Donny's betrayal by her husband and Del. The action proceeds to unspool like the puzzle of the play's title, with a war-trophy knife taking on all manner of symbolic importance before things go well and truly to hell.

Director Annelise Christ's cast tightens the screws and extracts a good deal of real emotion from this potentially sterile contraption. And fifth-grader Ingbar hangs in effectively amid a mountain of verbiage and a character whose nature is ultimately the final piece to the mystery. At an hour and 15 minutes, this Walking Shadow Theatre Company production delivers a coherent and entirely viewable take on a work of bleak cruelty. You don't walk out with a smile on your face, but you may have some realizations about your own tightrope walk, with chaos on one side and meaning on the other. Now, put the knife down, John. I'm serious.

Review: 'The Cryptogram' -- Mamet at his briefest

Cryptogram022007

Last update: February 19, 2007 – 1:02 PM

By Graydon Royce, Star Tribune

Walking Shadow Theatre Company, a group of idealistic youngsters, is one of the new entries in the small-theater scene, assuming the mantle from artists exhausted by the grind of creating work for little recompense.

I became aware of Walking Shadow, which has been around since 2004, through an eerie and ambitious piece in last summer's Fringe Festival. They are back at the Minneapolis Theatre Garage with David Mamet's "The Cryptogram," a 65-minute tryptych in which a small family's homeostasis is ritually hollowed out when a father bails out.

Annelise Christ, whose Hidden Theatre was once a darling of the small scene, directs with a brisk clip that matches Mamet's trademark concision.

However, this technical efficiency robs the necessary sense of transformation. Jake Ingbar, all of 11 years old, shows an extraordinary introspection as young Johnny, whose hopes for a weekend in the woods with his dad turn sour when dad's news lands. Peter Ooley shades family friend Del with a bland normalcy which, when critical secrets emerge, pricks our curiosity about this odd duck.

These two seem so natural that Annie Enneking's studied precision as the abandoned mother sticks out. It is just too easy to see her acting. (7:30 p.m. Thu.-Sun., 711 W. Franklin Av., Mpls. $14-$16, 612-375-0300. Ends March 3.)

GRAYDON ROYCE

©Star Tribune. All rights reserved.

BULLDOG N.E. RESTAURANT & BAR

Belly up to the barfood and you won't be disappointed.

By Rick Nelson, Star Tribune

The Junk

Steve Rice, Steve Rice

Landon Schoenefel

BULLDOG N.E. RESTAURANT & BAR

Location: 401 E. Hennepin Av., Minneapolis, 612-378-2855. • Hours: Kitchen open 11 a.m. to midnight Monday through Wednesday, 11 a.m. to 1 a.m. Thursday through Saturday, 11 a.m. to 11 p.m. Sunday; bar open to 2 a.m. daily. • Atmosphere: The swell mix of historic and contemporary, a holdover from the space's last tenants, Boom! and Oddfellows, has been diluted but not deleted. • Service: Cheery, informal. • Sound level: Not an issue. • Recommended dishes: Burgers, pickle plate, chili, cold cuts, fries, green goddess salad, chicken and waffles. • Wine list: The exceptional beer list emphasizes Belgian brews and includes several dozen pint, 10-oz. and 25-oz. pours. • Price range: Very little north of $10.

Talk about on-the-job training. After working at Restaurant Alma, 112 Eatery, Cafe Barbette and other top Twin Cities kitchens, Landon Schoenefeld has put his sweat-equity education to very good use at his new gig. As chef at the new-ish Bulldog N.E., he's borrowed his former employers' cooking principles -- Grade A ingredients, strong technique, creative thinking -- and applied them to traditional neighborhood pub genre. Although the results are far from fancy, Schoenefeld's next-generation bar food exudes obvious smarts and attention to detail. Oh, yeah -- it tastes good, too.

It's difficult to imagine a better burger. Schoenefeld starts by trimming fat from Kobe-style chuck, curing the meat overnight with salt, thyme, garlic and peppercorns, and then cranking it through a meat grinder twice. The highly seasoned beef is then formed into thick patties, grilled to sizzling, juicy perfection and slipped into some of the best buns in the business, baked at the New French Bakery. Purists can stop there, but Schoenefeld soldiers on, offering his customers a few tantalizing variations, constructed with well-sourced building blocks: pungent Stilton, a slab of smoky Minnesota-raised ham, thick bacon from that same Waseca farm, earthy truffle oil, a mustard brimming with fresh horseradish, a snappy house-made aioli.

He has fries down, too: long and runway-model skinny, double-fried to just the right crispy snap, and finished with a liberal shake of Sicilian sea salt. Naturally, Schoenefeld tinkers with the genre. One version dusts 'em with fennel, a tarragon aioli subbing for ketchup; the most over-the-top variation fuses mellow Grana Padano and a splash of truffle oil to fries as they come out of the fryer. One bite and you'll be hooked; two, and you'll be stuffed.

The pickle plate -- a primo partner to the Bulldog's exceptional beer roster -- is also a beaut. It starts with some rockin' sausages (from a Wisconsin family farm) before moving on to an array of nicely conceived house-made snacks. Herring has a subtle coriander kiss. Beets have a faint cinnamon chaser. Miso puts an edge on turnips, and a few chiles give carrots a wicked one-two punch.

Ditto a fine (and affordably priced) assembly of cured meats, cheeses and spreads, particularly Schoenefeld's ruddy chicken-pork terrine and flavorful liver pâté paired with sweet-tart Wisconsin cherries. Brisket -- tender, richly flavored -- is another highlight, whether it's folded into a mountainous plate of nachos flecked with queso fresco or made a centerpiece of an exceptional chili. Its smoldering heat, emanating from fresh and dried fresno and poblano chiles, is cleverly cooled by a cilantro-infused crème frâiche. And you have to love a basket of Tater Tots, hot bite-size treats dunked into a harissa-laced mayo.

Overscaled salads (the kitchen makes a wonderfully creamy green goddess dressing), fancified hot dogs (get the chili dog, a Vienna Beef topped with that amazing chili) and a half-dozen nicely composed and overstuffed sandwiches round out the menu. A few larger entrees get the blue plate special treatment: big portions of stick-to-your-ribs fare. Best is a classic chicken-and-waffles combo, with a pair of light, yeasty waffles topped by an abundantly meaty, crispy-skinned fried chicken, all drizzled in maple syrup blended with bits of that seriously delicious bacon.

There's a weekly special, too; last week it was a spin on a Gopher State hot dish standard: Tater Tots, roasted Brussels sprouts and fork-tender short ribs, all tied together with a savory mushroom béchamel sauce that stood in nicely for cream of mushroom soup.

No dessert, although Schoenefeld is looking into the prospect of a few simple sweets in the not-so-distant future. For now, Schoenefeld's menu is available only at Bulldog N.E., not at its older sibling establishment in south Minneapolis. But who knows? If the ownership is smart, they'll take Schoenefeld's cooking on the road.

Rick Nelson • rdnelson@startribune.com

Bush is now the sexiest and most famous person on the team

Bush is so fancy now. She is being profiled this month on the website for Minnesota Women in Film and Television. Support her and check her out!

MEMBER SPOTLIGHT-- FEATURING CARRIE BUSH
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Current Spotlight .... Carrie Bush interviewed by Susan Marks.

Meet Carrie Bush, our Member Spotlight for February and March. Carrie works in the local freelance production industry as a coordinator and assistant. However, Carrie’s reach goes beyond Minneapolis. Recently, she worked on a documentary film that took her around the globe for four months. (Be sure to ask Carrie all about her exciting adventures!)

Carrie also works on independent projects, including a documentary film she is codirecting with Carrie Volk and MN WIFT member, Molly Worre. The three directors received an IFP Access Grant for this film that follows two women living in the Harriet Tubman Family Alliance.

“Our working title for this film is REDEFINE,” said Carrie. “Through our documentary we are exploring the cycle of abuse and hopefully giving a good sense of where these women are coming from - telling a story that doesn’t usually get told in mainstream media.”

Like so many others in filmmaking, Carrie has a diverse background and eclectic education. Born and raised in Minneapolis, Carrie attended the University of Minnesota-Duluth, where she studied Cultural Anthropology and American Indian Studies. Carrie went on to teach Physics, Astronomy and Environmental Education in several nontraditional classroom settings, including a stint in Argentina. Carrie also turned her passion for camping and nature into a career, leading numerous canoeing trips for the YMCA.

According to Carrie, “I’ve had several careers, but my switch to filmmaking stemmed from the need I saw for more socially responsible media. I’m interested in being a part of the way the world communicates to one another. I love to know people’s stories from all over and see the interconnectiveness. And I decided I want to capture some of our rich oral traditions.”

While enrolled in MCTC’s Digital Arts Program, Carrie started working and interning for MN WIFT members, Melody Gilbert and Kathy Ferry. The mentoring experience had a profound effect on Carrie and she hopes to continue and give back through her involvement in MN WIFT.

“More often than not, I am one of the few women on set, so it’s great to be apart of organization that supports women in this industry. I love the comaraderie and the spirit of mentorship I see in MN WIFT,” said Carrie.

“My hope is to continue to work as a filmmaker in a sustainable work environment. I
love what I do and my goal is continue to help give underrepresented people a voice in media.”

Thirty-One Legged Race Cultivate Spirit of Teamwork!

This is my new favorite show. I saw it on chinerTV in Hawai'i.

Thirty-one-legged Race - Kids in Action - Kids Web Japan - Web Japan

Have you ever run in a three-legged race? Imagine if you had to run in a line of 30 people, instead of just two. Does that sound hard? Well, an event known as the 31-legged race is popular right now among Japanese elementary school students. In this event, 30 classmates line up in a single row with their legs tied together at the ankles. As one long line of 31 legs, they run as fast as they can against the clock over 50 meters. There is even a 31-legged race national championship for elementary school students, which is broadcast on national TV.

Spare me my life!

Learn English, self defense, and work out all at the same time!

Say Goodbye to Smut & Eggs

Another piece of my youth is gone. Where am I going to go now when I need to watch hardcore porn when nursing a hangover with screwdrivers and sunny side up eggs? - Coach


Bennett's RIP.
The Capital Times

By Doug Moe

LAST WEEK on the Badger Nation fan Web site, a forum topic that veered away from UW athletics brought a spirited exchange.

Somebody posed the question: Which lost Madison bar do you miss the most?

There were dozens of responses, and reading them was like taking an 80-proof stroll down memory lane. Among the mourned establishments: the 602 Club; Bob and Gene's; the Pinckney Street Hide-Away; the Flamingo Bar in the Grotto on State Street; the Fess; Pino's at Regent and Park (a personal favorite, as it was where I had my first underage beer); the Barber's Closet; and many, many more. It was 16 pages when I printed it out.

If the forum had been next month instead of last week, a place sure to garner more than a few sentimental votes would be Bennett's on the Park, which will have its last day of operation Feb. 24.

Rich Bennett

That's right - or wrong, depending on your point of view. Proprietor Rich Bennett is pulling the plug on the legendary Park Street home of "Smut & Eggs," where on weekend mornings since 1990 you could get your eggs over easy and your porn overtly hard.

National magazines wrote about the unusual breakfast fare, which was initiated by Bennett's older brother, Gene Bennett, at his bar near Verona and Raymond roads. The brothers both have adult entertainment licenses, but perhaps because Rich's place was close to campus (and you know how young people like to gossip), the Park Street locale became more associated with "Smut & Eggs."

On Tuesday morning, a sign behind the bar in Bennett's on the Park advertised X-rated movies for sale, DVD or VHS.

"Got to make it any way I can," Rich Bennett was saying. He was not completely successful in keeping the bitterness out of his voice.

According to Bennett, the cause of his bar's demise is simple: The smoking ban in taverns did him in.

"I was doing fine," Bennett said. "It just killed me."

The decline started slowly, Bennett said, because the ban was enacted in the summer of 2005. His smoking customers had no problem ducking outside in July to grab a smoke. By December, they were less enthusiastic. Today, 19 months into the ban, his business is just about gone.

"There are nights when I will have one customer," Bennett said. "Those same nights, in the past, I needed two bartenders."

Bennett doesn't own the building at 416 S. Park, and his current lease is up this month. When the landlord announced a rent increase, Bennett knew he was done. "I can't pay the rent as it is," he said.

There are people in Madison who will not be sorry to see a working-class tavern with unusual weekend television offerings go away. Bennett thinks it's symptomatic of a kind of elitism in the city. It can be hard to be a shot and a beer guy in a wine and cheese town. But when the former are gone, Bennett said, they'll leave a hole.

"You're losing the guys with personality and humor," Bennett said. "You go downtown to those fern bars and the bartenders charge you $5 for a drink and walk away."

Bennett, 59, is a Madison native, and a 1966 Madison Central High School graduate. For the past several years he has sponsored all-class reunions for Central at the VFW Club on Lakeside. (He has another, this Sunday, from noon-6.) He enjoys the reunions but is enough of a contrarian to insist that all attendees have been Central students - in other words, no spouses. It hasn't hurt attendance. "Seven hundred at the last one," Bennett said.

Bennett boxed Golden Gloves as a kid, and later in the Navy. He has a photo of himself at Guantanamo Bay in 1968, standing with several other winners of a service boxing tournament. He played semi-pro football with the Madison Mustangs. (It was "semi," all right. Bennett was paid $18 for home games and $20 for road games.) He spent nine years all told in the armed service of his country, a fact that crossed his mind as he waited all night and was given four minutes to speak at the City Council meeting that effectively destroyed his business.

Bennett opened his bar in 1990, buying what was previously Frankie's. Bennett added food, and over the years it scored some fine reviews. "The Sloppy Joe," a State Journal reviewer noted, "tasted like the best Mom ever made. ...We were also bowled over by the deluxe burger: a half-pounder topped with two slices of bacon and served with pickles and chips."

Rich Bennett ran a good business. He paid his taxes. In over a decade and a half he didn't have a dozen police calls to his bar. Now it is all gone and you will forgive him if he's bitter - and leaving town.

"I can't wait to get out," he said Tuesday.

"Where are you going?" he was asked.

"Portage, probably. Anywhere. But February 25th is my last day in Madison."

"You're sure?"

"I'm positive."

Heard something Moe should know? Call 252-6446, write PO Box 8060, Madison, WI 53708, or e-mail dmoe@madison.com.
Published: February 7, 2007

Support Sexiest Man

If you cold, THIS should warm you up.

Sexiest Man is doing a David Mamet play at the Minneapolis Theatre Garage called The Cryptogram. It opens on the 16th of February and will run for three weeks. So find a babysitter and reserve some tickets (using the link below). They’re going like hotcakes I tell ya! Hope to see you all there.


http://www.walkingshadowcompany.org/cryptogram

Bulldog Team Member Jobs

Brooke Teacher?
Liz Financial confidante to MLB latinos
Rachel 8th grade science teacher
Beach Commodities trader
Sharisse Student/artist
Ginger Literacy consultant to African nations
Jenn HR consultant something
Shane Landscape designer/Foreman/Student
TJ Web designer
Sonja Sillyness enabler
Kelly Sillyness enabler
Leah Special education teacher
Karl Deconstruction Specialist
CoBro Contractor/Remodeler/Investor
Ryan Adaptive Physical Education Teacher
Janna High school Spanish teacher
Pete Film/Theater Director/Commercial fisherman/Actor/Welder
Todd Model/Construction guy
Meg Interior designer
Coach Marketing product manager
BK Lumber Salesman
Jeff Electrician

Random opposing player - "I'm not even going to ask why they call you Bush."

New Co-Head Coach - Introducing Meg

Howsit bragh?

We are back from O'ahu and Maui and I'm unhappy to report that the honeymoon's over. We went to Waikiki for a night followed by a Pearl Harbor tour and Aloha Bowl Swap Meet visit. Later that day we flew to Maui for a condo stay just north of Ka'anapali near Lahaina.

We met up with our Karl(o) & Rachel in Maui for dinner and we drove them to the airport in our fancy Chrysler 300 rental car. During our team meeting we decided that the direction of the team needs to change and that we need more whiteboard.

I tried to get into local culture learning pidgeon Hawaiian English and eating local food favorite.

Okole = butt/ass, Squeeza = squeezer
Okole squeeza = a close call
Littah = litter

Sound like a local by removing "er" form words and replace with "ah." Also end sentences with "yeah?" Use similar to how some Canadians use "Eh?"







Check out our G Rated photo albums:
Hawai'i Pt. I of II
Hawai'i Pt. II of II

2006 Punchies Award Winners

View the Fotos

MVP (Male)	-	Todd
MVP (Female)	-	Janna
Golden Glove (Male)	-	Todd
Golden Glove (Female)	-	Janna
Rookie of the Year (Male)	-	Todd
Rookie of the Year (Female)	-	Janna
Best Dressed	-	Charisse
Sexiest Male	-	Pete
Sexiest Female	-	Charisse
Most Likely to Get Knocked Up	-	Janna
Most Likely to Incite a Riot	-	Coach
Jesus H. Christ Spiritual Leader Award	-	Coach
Best Coach That's Not Coach	-	Jeff
Most Smokes Consumed per Game	-	Pete
Photo of the Year 1st Place	-	Pete

Third Annual Punchie Awards

You are invited, it's next Thursday at Buca.
View the evite

The awards are based on peer voting so Vote or Die.

You will have a chance to win some killer iron-ons that are even better than the stars we gave out last year.

Minneapolis - America's No. 2 drunkest city

Forbes magazine lists us as the second drunkest city in the U.S. behind Milwaukee. Let's take their title away!

Everyone needs to pitch in and do their part next Thursday at the Punchies by drinking until you lose your eyesight.

Coach

A Forbes ranking of the Twin Cities' drinking habits is greeted with much scorn and skepticism.

BY BOB SHAW

Pioneer Press

Where is the second-drunkest city in America?

Chances are you are living in it — according to Forbes Magazine, at least. The Minneapolis-St. Paul area is surpassed only by Milwaukee in the magazine's first-ever "drunkest cities" evaluation.

"You mean we beat out New Orleans? Sounds kind of nuts to me," bartender Chris Fish said as he filled a glass of beer behind the bar of the Hat Trick Lounge in St. Paul.

From corner taps to government offices, experts on drinking scratched their heads Wednesday to try to explain what the survey means.

In the past, officials have boasted that surveys have been kind to the Twin Cities, praising the area lavishly for health, happiness and overall living conditions.

Or is that just the beer talking?

"It seems like that survey is a bit of a stretch," said Bob Hume, spokesman for St. Paul Mayor Chris Coleman.

Hume said that only two months ago, Kiplinger's Magazine ranked the Twin Cities metro area second in its "Smart Places to Live" survey.

"The criteria there were vibrant, fun, affordable," Hume said. "Enjoy our recreational opportunities responsibly."

How, he asked, could the same metro area be the nation's second-drunkest?

David Ewalt had some answers. He conducted the survey for Forbes as part of a series of stories on the night-life industry. Ewalt said he used a combination of government statistics from 2004 measuring rates of alcoholism, binge drinking, Alcoholics Anonymous participation and other figures.

He was surprised to see Milwaukee and the Twin Cities besting notorious party areas such as New Orleans (ranked 24th) and Las Vegas (No. 14).

"You go to New Orleans or Las Vegas, and they are very liberal about alcohol. You can drink beer on the streets," he said. "To a tourist, they can seem like very drunk towns."

It's likely, he said, that the pattern of drinking in Minnesota is more private.

But some experts said Ewalt's methods might have skewed the results.

"No. 2? I think we should be lower than that," said John Steiger, spokesman for the state Health Department, which compiles records of alcoholism rates.

He conceded that Minnesota and Wisconsin have ranked high on alcoholism surveys, but he said some data can be misconstrued.

For example, high participation in Alcoholics Anonymous could be a sign people are willing to address their problems, he said, and not an indication of drunkenness.

Hume also noted that, with 11 colleges, St. Paul has the second-highest number of students per capita after Boston. That could contribute to a high percentage of binge drinkers, he said.

In the cozy darkness of the Hat Trick Lounge in downtown St. Paul, several patrons — decidedly not problem drinkers themselves — sipped beers Wednesday and pondered the report's conclusion.

"I can see Milwaukee, with the reputation for beer drinking," said Greg Dols, a remodeler who lifted the brim of his paint-spattered baseball cap. "But here? I don't have any theories on that."

Shelley Meredith of Eau Claire, Wis., did. She thought the survey was wrong, period. "Every place has its drunks," she said. But having lived all around the country, she has seen no sign that the Twin Cities could be much "drunker" than elsewhere. "I just don't think that could be true," she said.

Mike Fiumano's reaction was blunt. "I think it's offensive to say that St. Paul is one of the drunkest cities, because I don't see that at all," he said. "I see a lot of young, responsible, business-minded people who want to do right in life."

Bartender Fish walked outside, where patrons were sipping suds in a sidewalk patio area, and he asked one customer about the Twin Cities' ranking.

"As least we are good at something," came the reply.

Bob Shaw can be reached at bshaw@pioneerpress.com or 651-228-5433.

Last Game of the Year/When Should We Have the Banquet?

Our last game of the year is at 6:15 this Thursday. The season is coming to an end just when we are getting hot. We won again last week and have won three of the last four games. The one we lost was close too.

I'm trying to nail down a date for when we can hold the Punchies, the annual Bulldog Awards banquet at Buca.

Take this quick survey to choose a date

http://www.zoomerang.com/survey.zgi?p=WEB225H8GMMJ5X

Team Photos Now Posted

View the Group Photos

View the Portrait Photos

Picture Day Part II

We play at 7:15 this week versus Crappies. I had a dream last week that we got into a fight with the MOMARS. They had camoflage uniforms.

Picture day part II is after the game for people that need retakes or missed the first shoot.

No Game Thursday/Things to do

Take this week off . Do something/someone you love.

Things to do in New Zealand:
1. Learn how to drive on the "wrong" side of the road. Almost go into cardiac arrest the first 20 turns you take because yer not 100% sure the car is on the correct side. Laugh/freak out as you watch your sister do the same thing, only, on top of that, she's relearning how drive a stick.

2. Go snowboarding. Experience adrenaline rush just riding the bus up the mountain due to burly, hairpin-a-plenty road.

3. Visit pub. Join "guinness" club under advisement of the barkeep. (Next "meeting" the 3rd Thursday of July). Wonder if professional attire is required.

4. Visit Club. Make friends with super fun DJ's. Dance till 5 in the morning. When leaving, dancefloor is still packed, bartenders still slingin drinks like mad.

5. Pretend like you understand what the kiwis are saying. Take 24 hours to realize that "up the hole" (what the hell?) is really "up the hill." etc etc etc.

6. Internally laugh at how ridiculous a Wisconsin accent sounds here. Try unsuccessfully to tone it down. Laugh more.

7. Ride chairlift. Marvel at gorgeous scenery. Trip on the beauty of our planet. Love life.

8. Hit jump. Waste yourself on landing. Repeat.

9. Wear long underwear, constantly, in June.

Good vibes to all of you........it's goin well.

Peace.

Rbarr

Softball Haiku over Tokyo

Softball winning streak
finally our time to win
let us go get drunk

- Cameron (via fancy airplane inkernet 25k ft over Tokyo)


We play at 7:15p this week versus the Long Shots (green shirt guys). I watched them a little last week. Their guys prefer the dick move of trying to hit the ball to right field every time.

Karl will be making his return the the team this week after sitting out for violating league rules.

We also won last week a-holes! 9-8. That's two in a row!

Pinata Party This Saturday

The Bulldog Coaching Staff is hosting it's 4th annual summer pinata party in Minneapolis this weekend.

I am in charge of the pinata and drinks. This is all I do and I do it well.

Show up at noon if you want to help me clean the house. Show up later if you just want to hang out.

want more info?
View the eVite

We play at 6:15 this Thursday. Let's keep the streak alive! Read the comment below. It's appears that we have admirers in high places.

10-7 Bulldog Conquers MOMARS

Coach Ando Lost for the Season

I hurt myself in the first inning last week running from 2nd to 3rd base in order to get us a run. I am still walking with a bad-ass gansta' limp.

Yesterday I went to medical land seeking comfort. They told me that I tore some muscles and that I would have to miss the rest of the softball season. They really don't have a treatment for me other than rest.

However they did give me some neat Vicodin pills to help with pain. Unfortunately they make me trip out too much to take when I work, drive, or in school. Saturdays are going to be painkiller day at my house. Bring over your power tools. We'll have some fun.

This Thursday - Picture Day I & The Game of the Year

We take on the hated MOMARS this Thursday at 9:15. If we are going to win only one game this year, let this be the one.

We will be taking individuals photos before the game so get there early. I would like to be there by 8:15 so I can set up my tripod and scout locations. Dress for success, don’t for get we have a Best Dressed category in the Punchy Awards (post-season award ceremony).

Ask Dr. Ioss - Groin Injury

Dear Dr. Ioss,
I pulled a groin muscle last night playing softball? It really hurts. What do I do now?

Coach Ando

Dear Coach,

1) RICE (rest, ice, compression, elevation) for about 1-5 days while the swelling goes down.
2) followed by slow return to activity, making sure to stretch and not to return to full activity to fast.

Dr. Ioss

Bulldog Update

We almost won the last game. We lost by 1 or 2. Closest yet. Switch buddies seems to be working. All of this without use of the whiteboard.

We found a new pitcher - Ryan of Leah and Ryan fame is almost a pro. That's how good he is.

I forgot to bring a marker for the whiteboard. Someone bring a backup for me.

Ideas

Sell antiMOMAR goods on Café Press - how about a MOMARS c*m rag?

Picture day - let's have it soon. Probably after a 7:15 game so we still have good natural light. We'll have a couple of shoots so more people are included. Post game photoshoot with Bulldog waitresses.

Ginger - bring my mustache

Pre-game BBQ. Unknown date. I have a mini grill. Someone would have to bring some food. I would bring drinks too.

Bribe the ump with drinks.

I'm having a pinata party in a couple of weeks. I stuff it with beef jerky, mini bottles of booze, and random sundries. My chocolate puddy stuff idea was nixed once again.

Our game is at 8:15 again this week.

Umpire & Fan Brawl in Pickup Game

Associated Press

HILTON HEAD ISLAND, S.C. - The umpire called a player safe on a close play at first base. The spectator didn't like it and threw a beer bottle. The umpire dodged it, then punched the fan, knocking out one of his teeth.

That's what Beaufort County deputies said happened at a three-inning pickup softball game on Hilton Head Island Sunday night.

Tensions between the teams were high because about $3,400 was riding on the outcome, deputies said.

Rony Ruiz, 23, and several other fans stormed the field and began pushing the ump because a run scored on the play at first, cutting the lead of the team they were rooting for to 6-5 in the second inning, authorities said.

After Ruiz threw the bottle at 32-year-old umpire Nelson Montano, he punched Ruiz in the mouth, knocking out a tooth, according to a police report.

The men, whom Montano said are friends, appeared on Monday in municipal court, where they agreed to drop the charges.

And Ruiz's team ended up winning 7-5, Montano said.

- Bulldog lesson learned - don't miss with that first bottle.

Hate It Or Love It

I have a new level of hatred of the MOMARS. I found their team website and I am upset and angry at what I saw. They mercilessly ragged on their opponents and did quite a bit of bragging about themselves. They also publish league standings (it shows us in last place). Worst of all they are trying to proliferate there unholy images by selling "Official Gear" with the MOMARS logo. Check it out: MOMARS Crap.

Who needs a MOMARS thong? Not me. We need to scheme as a team (offline) on how we are going to get them real good. I don't want to go into it further in fear of incriminating myself.